Beer Perspectives For the United Rugby Football Club
Courtesy Joe Sumerville, former WM rugger-Belmont Shore Master

Posted Sept 21, 2001

Just a little levity in our dour times

"If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

If you bought $1000 worth of actual Budweiser brew one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit you would have $79.(applicable in western states)

Lesson: Start drinking heavily."

courtesy Tim Brown

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."--Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. when they wake up in the morning. that's as good as they're going to feel all day."--Frank Sinatra

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."--Ernest Hemingway

"A women drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."--WC Fields

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."--Henny Youngman

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. when we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Soooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!--Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."--Ben Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."--Dave Berry

"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!"--unknown

"Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser"--unknown

Beer after sport 'is good for the body'

By Nic Fleming, Science Correspondent,Telegraph UK

Last Updated: 5:01pm GMT 01/11/2007

A beer after playing a game of football, a long run, or a strenuous round of golf can be good for the body, scientists say.

Kevin Pietersen relaxes with a cold beer after a hard game of cricket In a rare piece of good news for those who like a pint, Spanish researchers say beer can help someone who is dehydrated retain liquid better than water.

Prof Manuel Garzon, of Granada University, also claimed the bubbles in beer help to quench the thirst and that its carbohydrate content can help to replace lost calories.

Prof Garzon asked a group of students to do strenuous exercise in temperatures of around 40C (104F). Half were given a pint of beer, while the others received the same volume of water.

Prof Garzon, who announced the results at a press conference in Granada beneath a banner declaring "Beer, Sport, Health", said the hydration effect in those who drank beer was "slightly better".

Juan Antonio Corbalan, a cardiologist who worked formerly with Real Madrid football players and Spain's national basketball team, said beer had the perfect profile for re-hydration after sport.

He added that he had long recommended barley drinks to professional sportsmen after exercise.

Lets quaf
A lady who likes:

Beer is casual, low maintenance, down to earth. Approach her by challanging her to a game of pool.

Blender Drinks is flaky, whiney, annoying, a pain in the ass. Avoid this type unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Mixed Drinks is older, more refined, high maintenance, picky, exactng. Your approach--you don't have to approach her. If she like you she will send you a drink.

White Zinfandel is easy. THINKS she is classy but actually has no clue. Your approach--make her feel smarter than she actually is which is'nt difficult.

Shots is looking to get totally drunk--and naked. Approach--easiest one in the place. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait but don't piss her off.

Tequila---no explanation you know what I mean?

IF a gentlemen's choice is:

Domestic beer. He is poor and wants to get laid.

Imported beer. He has some discretionary income and wants to get laid.

Wine. He trying to put on a sophisticated image and wants to get laid

Whiskey. He doen't care about anything but getting laid.

White Zinfindel. He is gay--very very gay and wants to get laid.

Courtesy Danny Patterson

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. After he determines the cause of death, the coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body was that of a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," the Coroner says.

"Second body was an Irishman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"What of the third body?" asked the Inspector.

"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. He was the smartest prop on the local rugby team, only 30 years old, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken," the coroner replied.

Scientists for Health UK suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (as hops contain phytoeostrogens) and drinking it may turn men into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were given 6 pints of beer each to drink within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, refused to apologize when obviously wrong, and had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary.

Is the "F" word really appropriate?